LIFE?


Sometimes i envy those family with great relationship. That bonds quite well. Siblings that would help when u really needed them most. A mother who is always there giving advices to you on what to do and not to do. A father that would support your daily expenses, when u need to get something. This is what you call family.


FAMILY = LOVE




But ever wonder what kind of life i live? How i live it? How i'd survived it?
Well its hard! Fcuking hard!


Here's my life experience;

Well i was born on the 4th of October 1990. My life back then was fcuking great! I have a sister who is older than me by 2 years apart. I love my sister. I really do. Even though we always quarrel. And i mean alot! Till today. But no matter what, she's always been the best sister in the world! And she still does! When i was 4, i remembered giving her 1 upper cut, that broke her tooth. Hahaha. Because she disturbed my tv session, which was actually captain planet. That was the best cartoon series back then. Well we actually lived in an executive house. We were quite easy back then. With nothing to worry about. Holiday to overseas was like a normal thingy to us. Happy. Happy as a family with lots of love. sobsobsob. I would love to elaborate more on the best and happy part, but i'm just really down now.

When i was 7, my father had a scandal. That broke my family apart. Totally apart! My mum went 'gaga' when she knew about it. She was very depressed, she even tried commiting suicidal things; choking herself, drown into the bath tub, knocking herself onto the walls and 1 point of time she even climb onto the window latch to jump out of it. I was there, my sister was there. We were together. Mummy,sis and me. Well my mum wanted us to die with her. Cos she just couldn't accepted the fact that my father had a scandal. That really shows how much my mummy loves my father. A 110% more!

But mummy wasn't stupid, cos she knew that everything happen for a reason. We were brought to a corner where mummy sat down with us and told us crying ;"Kakak, adik. Ibu mintak maaf kalau ibu cuba bunuh kakak dan adik untuk mati bersama ibu. Ibu dah tak tahu nak buat ape lagi. Ibu dah tak tahu macam mane nak mengalami dan menghadapi ini semua. Tapi ibu tahu, ini semua terjadi dengan hikmahnya." We were all crying. And yeah, i remembered every single word mummy told us, even though i'm only 7.

Since then, every thing became hay-wire. My mummy got divorced with dad. We had to move out from our executive home. Which was actually my mum's dream home. She architect it well. Designing every single thing by herself. She was crying when were about to move out. Mummy didn's sleep the whole night. Sitting down in the empty shallow living room crying. I actually am sad. But i know, she is even more sad than i do. Cos its all her hard work, and we just have to leave the house just like that. Leaving every single memory we have had together in the house.

But we moved on, we moved to Johor Bahru for a year. I pity her. When mummy had to work her ass off just for us to survive. But mummy wasn't alone, she met someone who is in fact a malaysian guy. And got married to him. Sis and myself did not agree at first when we get to know that she had to remarry. We didn't. Especailly me. I was fcuking angry with her. I didn't talk to her on her big night at all. And i mean at all. I had that grudge inside of me. But its her life. And i don't have the priority to disrupt that. I just go with the flow. I'm not happy nor do i feel sad. But i moved on. My sis and me moved on.

So when mummy got remarried, we told mummy we didn't want to stay here, in Johor Bahru. Cos its hard for us to go to school. Its far, and we had to wake up fcuking early. Well the acually reason beyond that was we didn't want to stay with her new husband. Cos we just weren't familiar with having a new dad. So mummy understood us, and we are back in singapore. Where mummy asked her sister to take care of us. Our late aunt Allahyarham Rohaya Binte Dollah. We were happy there. I was 8 this time.

Years had past. We were happy. She took care of us like as if we were one of her own. We received love like what we had used to. At that point of time, it was only me and my beloved sister. The only blood that i could rely on. When 1 day, sis had a tiff with my uncle. And decided to ran away. I was 15 then. I was sad to see my sister leave. Cos she's all that i've got here in Singapore. She left to stay with her bf. At pasir ris. Which is quite far for me to see her. And i knew it, it'll be hard for us to see each other again. She got her first child before she got married. Which is that i was 16 and she's 18. Till then, we hardly see each other again. And i mean HARDLY.

But yet, i moved on. Alone. With no one left by myside. And at this point, my aunt fell really sick. She got cancer. I was very depressed when i hear that. Cos i've already treated her like my own mum. After my sis left, i had no one to complain my sorrows to except my aunt. She couldn't move alot. She's always by her bed. Lying and tolerating the pain. I actually took care of her. And i mean every sigle day. After school i went straight back home just to tend to her. I don't even have time for friends. Cos all i care for at that point of time was her.

When one single day, i over heard my uncle saying to my aunt that they can't take care of me anymore. Cos there's not enough expense to spent onto an extra mouth. Which makes me the extra. And they really needed to kick me out. I was sad to hear that. And i actually packed my stuffs that very night. I didn't want to leave. But i had to. Cos i didn't want to be a burden to them. So after midnight, i quietly went into my aunt's bedroom. She was paralyzed at that point of time. I went next to her, and told her that i am leaving. I told her;"Mak, adik tadi petang dengar ayah an berbual dengan mak, yang ayah an dah tak dapat nak tanggung adik lagi. Jadi adil dah taknak membebankan ayah an lagi. Jadi mungkin malam ni malam terakhir adik dapat tengok mak. Adik tak tahu nak pegi mane, tapi mak jangan risau. Adik bole jage diri adik sendiri. Adik bersyukur atas jagaan mak slame ni. Insya'allah kalau adik ade time lepas sekolah, adik jenguk mak. Kunci rumah nanti adik dah lock pintu gate, adik campak kat dlm. Mak jage diri baik-baik tau. Adik sentiase doakan mak."

I was crying badly. Like i've never had before. Cos when i was talking to her midway, i saw tears coming out from her eyes. I knew she could hear me. She always had. And so i moved out. I had nowhere to go. And i had noone else. I wanted to stay with my sister, but its just too far. I didn't have enough to get a cab there. And its after midnight. I sat under the void deck for hours. Knowing nothing that i could do. For hours i cried. Till then, i had no other choice but to turn in to my very best friend. A'an. He's always been there for me. I called him up and asked if i could stay over his house for the moment till i got some place to stay.........




TO BE CONTINUED.
:(
Farhan Say.. @ 2:30 AM